Sebastian's Mission, Part 2

Sebastian and his gang are my favorite rabbits to write about. They are usually the source of all adventure, humor, and trouble in my rabbit stories. I wrote this story from Sebastian's perspective, and it was quite possibly the most fun rabbit story I have ever written. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

My name is Sebastian, and I was a rabbit on a mission. I say “was,” because plan A didn’t go quite as well as I had hoped. You might even say that I failed. But I don’t like to think about failures; instead I like to think about plan B.

Yesterday evening as I was hopping past Lottie’s coffee shop, I saw her hanging a very awesome sign on her door. I screeched to a stop and stared. This sign would be an ideal addition to my extensive collection of "unique items" that resides in my basement. Lottie gave me a number of dirty looks before I finally stopped staring and started hopping again. Once I got home, I decided I would do this the polite way and offer to buy the sign, instead of slyly swiping it during the morning rush, as I was originally tempted to do. 

The next morning, I woke up early and bounded over there, prepared to offer her hundreds of dollars for that sign. I arrived twenty minutes before opening time, so as to avoid any competition. After banging on the door for a while, Lottie came over and opened up.

“Hello, I have a question!” I declared.

She apparently didn’t like that very much, because she called me stupid, and asked me if I could see the sign. I responded by very politely telling her that I had seen the sign, but that it was pure rubbish, considering the fact that she was not awesome in the least. Then, I asked her if I could buy the sign. She promptly told me no. Maybe that was because I also told her that she’s awesomely grumpy, but who knows? Lottie is extremely touchy!

Anyway, since I’m not one to give up easily, I argued with Lottie for fifteen more minutes before I finally admitted defeat. She was so eager to get rid of me that she gave me a free cup of coffee and a gift card. I walked away slowly, trying to look the picture of dejected disappointment, in hopes that she would call me back and sell me the sign. However, my stunning acting was entirely wasted, and I walked the rest of the way home in silence. I immediately began working on plan B.

Three days later…

I still didn’t have a foolproof Plan B. I considered everything from emailing Chester to offering Lottie a week-long vacation on a tropical island. But not one of my fifty-seven great ideas were completely solid. My basement was a huge mess of crumpled papers, empty soda bottles, and candy wrappers, and I was extremely tired of camping down there. But I still wanted that sign. There was only one thing left to do; I would have to call up the gang.

Exactly fifteen minutes later, Digory, Smoky, Jupiter, Galaxy, Mufasa, and Silver, my friends and partners in crime, were lounging in my basement, talking and laughing. I normally would have invited Chester too, but he would never try to take anything from Lottie. He would probably snitch on us. He can be a dirty rotten rat fairy sometimes. 

“Hey, ‘Bastian, what kind of trouble are you in this time?” Digory asked with a grin. Otherwise known as Lord Digory II, he has been my best friend since I was nine weeks old. Together, we terrorized the community with our tricks and made Izzy, the neighborhood’s motherly Jersey Wooly rabbit, want to wring our necks.

“This is an emergency meeting everybody, so listen up!” I yelled above all the noise.

Jupiter gave me a very skeptical look. “The last time you called an emergency meeting, it was because you lost Aravis’ favorite coffee mug, and she was going to kill you if you didn’t find it soon.” 

Ignoring Jupiter, I told the gang all about the sign, my failed plan A, and my yet-to-be-formed plan B. After much grumbling and complaining, I ordered pizza, which made everyone a lot more willing to work. I dragged an ancient, dusty blackboard out of my junk pile, fished some chalk stubs from a random bucket, and took my place of honor in an enormous easy chair. I put Jupiter in charge of writing all the ideas down. We were ready.

Three hours later…

“I still think you should steal it and send her a check!” Digory shouted, waving a slice of pizza.

“Or better yet, steal it and send her zero checks!” Smoky exclaimed, with a gleefully evil smile.

“I could blow up the shop, and you could grab the sign!!!” Silver held up one of his homemade explosives. 

“Stop. It. Right. Nooooooooowwwww!!!!!” I roared. All activity came to an abrupt halt. All of it, save Mufasa’s snoring. That kept right on going.

 I took a deep breath.

“Alright, we have a plan. Jupiter has been working hard, and he thinks that it's foolproof. Let’s hear it, Jupy.” Jupiter had hidden behind a wheelbarrow in my basement, and worked out an elaborate and hopefully solid plan B. He stood up and began to explain it to the rest of the gang.

“So, we’re going to divide up into teams…”

~~~~~~~

The next morning, we set off for Lottie’s coffee shop. I was part of Team 2, along with Mufasa and Silver. Not the most ambitious teammates, but what could I say? I was going to get my sign!

Team 1 was composed of Digory, Smoky, Jupiter, and Galaxy.  They were going to go into the coffee shop and distract Lottie by making an extremely complex order. As they were doing this, my team was going to sneak in through a side door, and slowly make our way to the front counter. As Lottie was taking the orders, I would ask her to sell me the sign. Hopefully, she would be so distracted that she would consent. The whole thing would be on video, so that we could prove that she said I could buy the sign.

Team 1 entered the coffee shop. Team 2 easily got in a side door. We sneaked closer and closer to the counter, until we were right in front of it. Lottie looked distracted indeed, and she should have, considering the order Digory was making. He needed some education concerning coffee shops.

“…and…I…would also like…hmmm…I think maybe a super big carrot cake vanilla caramel zucchini latte…if you have one of those...” 

“WE DON’T!” Lottie growled.

“Hey Lottie, can I buy your sign?” I asked just loud enough to be heard. I timed it just as Digory started making his next order.

“Absolutely…NOT! My sign is not for sale!!!!” Lottie turned the full force of her rage on me, and I backed up a couple feet. I was pretty sure her eyeballs were shooting lasers. She was that mad. I made a mental note to have a less annoying rabbit order next time. We’d been going for distracted, not livid.

Since Digory couldn’t cancel his order, we had to stay and wait until it was done. Over the course of an hour, Lottie handed us cup after cup of steaming coffee and tea. Smoky ended up running home and getting a wagon, which we loaded to the very top, as Digory had also ordered fifty different types of scones, twenty bagels, and forty fresh blueberry muffins. Lottie found the whole business extremely comical, and giggled the entire way through it. Talk about humiliating.

After loading everything into the wagon, I had to pay. All I can say is that next time I do this, Digory is not ordering. If only Chester wasn't such a snitch, then I could have him order.  He is quite skilled in the art of coffee shop ordering. Digory is just clueless. 

We hauled the food back to my house as quickly as possible, and immediately took refuge in the basement. After we had flopped down on the big overstuffed couches, we stared at the giant pile of stuff in the middle of the already cluttered floor.

“What should we do with it all?” Galaxy gazed wonderingly at the pile.

“We’re gonna eat it, of course!” Smoky gave him a “duh!” look.

So, we did.

Two hours later…

“I’m so stuffed I can’t even…Hey! Gimme that scone!” Smoky hollered at Digory, who slobbered all over the scone, and then threw it at Smoky. 

After rooting through the Aravis’ list of phone numbers, I was busy trying to text Lottie about buying the sign. First, I got several skull emojis, and then she blocked my number. I have to admit that I was starting to despair. Both plan A and plan B had failed dismally, and my gang was too full to move. Just then, I got a phone call.

“Hey Sebastian, this is Chester. Lottie just called and told me you tried to buy her ‘Sorry, we’re closed but still awesome,’ sign. I have a pile of them in my basement, so I thought I’d call and tell you before I drop one off. See you later.” He hung up.

I collapsed onto the couch in a state of utter disbelief, letting the phone fall to the floor.

After everything I had been through-the thirty million scones, the mess in my basement, the humiliating experiences with Lottie, and the hours devoted to plan B-after all that, Chester had a pile of signs in his basement, and he was dropping one off at my house. Unbelievable.

~Just a Girl on the Homestead